Big Beautiful Bedhead Sketch

I’ll take this time to state the obvious: It’s been a while!

I’ve been learning more and more about representation and self love and body positivity, and it’s been a really great journey. I’m doing my best to be more diverse and representative in what I do, and it’s honestly so great to think about a variety of characters and body types and designs that haven’t been recycled over and over for the sake of fitting into some formulaic “ideal” look.

On a more personal note, I have trouble bringing myself to draw. This is for a myriad of reasons. I want to say none of them merit mentioning, because so many people dismiss them as excuses. But I’m going to defy that inclination and be completely honest.

I’m still burnt out from my college projects. It’s true. It might also be sad and pathetic or pitiful or any other of a number of things. But it’s true. I struggle with inspiration, and motivation, and even discipline. I try to shame and guilt myself into creating, and then end up paralyzed or squashed beneath the pressure. That’s a vicious loop. Even when I don’t do it to myself, there is an immense amount of passive guilt and shaming in casual conversations with other people. Then there’s the eternal struggle between doing art for personal reasons, work reasons, and recreational reasons – and trying to figure out not only the balance between those facets of art making, but between facets of life, too. These aren’t unique to my experience, either. For me personally, though, this combination makes it very difficult to draw. It’s worth mentioning that I suffer from depression, as well, and that makes exactly all of these just a little harder to deal with. So that’s the gist of it.

Which isn’t to say it’s time to just roll over and give in. That’s not helpful at all. But neither is pretending these struggles don’t exist, or aren’t significant. These things happen. I believe it is very important to be honest about it and acknowledge that life isn’t only rainbows and puppies and positivity.

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One Response to Big Beautiful Bedhead Sketch

  1. Admission and letting go is good. 😉

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